At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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