i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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