I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
