I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
do nipples grow back?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
