We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
