hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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