I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
