imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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