yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
