Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
