guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
