Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So much rum. So many feels.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize