if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
