Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
