the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
