So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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