she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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