I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
