he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
