I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
