i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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