yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
