Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
