Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
