Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
