Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
