How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
