Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
