I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
