I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
