i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
