somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
