I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
