Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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