i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize