i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
