i think my mom watched the whole time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
