Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize