once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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