she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
