Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
