You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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