he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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