When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize