So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
