Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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