i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
