counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
