he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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