I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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