Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
