Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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