whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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