Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
