Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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