yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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