I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sex in a hospital.. check
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
