You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
