i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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