we have pet lesbian snakes
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
