he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's get the cat blown out
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
