Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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