Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
