and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
