I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
