I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
