cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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