i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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