Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
