It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
