My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i dont even know how to be here
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it's like heaven, but drunker
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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