her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
