Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize