her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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