you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize