I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
