2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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