no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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