My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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