that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
time to smoke my breakfast
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
