Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
