paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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