Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
