Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
