I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
