I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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