dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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