i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
