he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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