Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
